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Breaking Up

Ok, you both tried hard, but now it’s at the stage where someone has to tell someone else that the relationship is finished.

You both know, of course…you chose each other because you are smart, perceptive, and you have a sense of humor. But today, sense of humor won’t help – it’s time to break up.

There are only a few reasons why couples stay together, but a zillion reasons to break up. Why is breaking up so much more difficult? When she dumps you, don’t you understand that it’s the most probable of all outcomes? You ought to say, “Sure, the bus is on time.” or “Yes, uh-huh, ok.”
Seems to me that if a couple stays together then we should have fireworks. Break-up? Ho-hum. Stay together? Wahoo!

However since the break-up gets a lot more attention than the staying together, this article is about the best places to drop the bomb.
She likes to do it in her living room so the man gets angry and leaves.
He likes to do it in a fine restaurant so she can’t make a scene.
She likes to dump him while he is on vacation (gotta love e-mail).
He likes to do it at the end of a bus trip so he can run for a taxi.

Here’s a list of the best places to end a relationship in Taiwan. This applies to everyone, not just men or just woman, so listen up.

1. 7-Eleven

They are always on a corner so you have 4 different directions to run. Bright lights inside, bank machine if you owe her money, beers if she leaves first, and stickers for free tea. They are open 24 hours, and do not offer knives or guns with the take out food.

2. Church

I had a friend a few years ago who eventually returned to Tasmania. She only went to church in Taiwan when she wanted to break up with a man. I only went to church to get married, but she had a different take on things. She preferred funerals and farewells. Easter and Christmas were good because the place was full of silent people so that’s where she did the deed. Just before “Onward Christian Soldiers” she would whisper, “By the way, we are finished” then start singing.

If he stayed through the whole hymn, then she would pretend to pray, and if he stayed through the prayer, she would pretend to go to confession. Although the priest was obviously occupied at the front of the church, she would wait alone in the confessional booth until the ex left.

3. A Buddhist Temple

Choose a big temple with a lot of shaven-head, robed people walking around. The little temples beside the neighborhood park don’t work because people there try to ignore each other and it empowers others to scream if they are upset. A big temple where people live and are watching. There’s one in Taichung near Shin-Ming High School and another on Rte. 136 out past Taiping. Say what you need to when there’s gongs and drums happening so that if he or she gets crazy you can smile and say to the monks, “She is possessed by a demon again.”

The monks and nuns will understand and deal with it. Buy a calendar on the way out.

4. Not….a rock concert or a rave (too many drugs)
when hiking (too far to walk back together)
at work (can you say good-bye ARC?)
Starbucks (hot coffee on shirt)
When shopping for furniture together (DUH)

5. Sogo

No one freaks out at a Sogo Department store. People walk around Sogo zombie-eyed and Twilighted. The last reported freak-out was in Tokyo in 1989, and later reports revealed that he didn’t realize he was in a Sogo and he deeply regretted his actions. He is still attending court-ordered freaked-out-in-Sogo counseling and hopes to be back with his girlfriend soon. His ex-girlfriend was not available for comment. The best department is cosmetics, and the best time is Sunday afternoon, and the best month…well you need to ask a fortune teller.

There you go guys ‘n girls. For what it’s worth, you decide to break up or make up. Cheers and good love everybody! Wherever you go, there you are!




然而弔詭的是,我們往往會在與愛人分手後卻比交往當時獲得更多親友們的關愛!以下所述的幾處場所就是最適合” 洽談 ”分手議題的最佳地點。






AUTHOR: Dave Flint
PUBLISHED: GuanXi #1 – Summer 2010


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